Is it just me or are have you noticed a rise in popularity of spirituality? A small but significant proportion of the population seem to be speaking more openly about their spiritual practices and beliefs.

And it does make a refreshing change to hear people talk about intuition rather than intellect, connection rather than competition and presence rather than pursuit.

Yet for some, the idea of spirituality turns them off. Perhaps they picture hippy-style, self-proclaimed gurus sitting crossed legged on the mountaintop meditating and chanting!

Using the “s” word in public, and most especially in the business world, can still leave you open to judgment and questions around your competence and reasoning capacity.

We probably won’t hear of many CEOs declaring their allegiance to angels or asking for advice from their guides. It’s simply not the done thing — well, certainly not out loud! Recently I was asked to delete the ‘s’ word from a consultancy proposal and make it more corporate-like! Are we really saying that bringing more spirit to business is unacceptable and unwelcome?

It leaves us with an interesting predicament. Sharing that you believe in more than this physical realm won’t always win friends and support. But if we are going to live spiritual values of authenticity, integrity and honesty, then we need to find ways to share the truth of who we are — even if we risk being labelled as weird or freaky.

As a coach, I hear too many clients describe the division in their lives — how they can be their true selves at home or with friends but have to assume an appropriate work persona in order to be accepted and respected. This often means leaving any type of spiritual philosophy at the office entrance.

Maybe it is time to end this personality split and officially come out and declare that we are proud to be spiritual?

So what is it that gets in the way of this openness and ownership of who we are?

Without a doubt, the biggest obstacle is perception. If someone associates spirituality with religion or cults and fears that by engaging in spiritual conversation they will be sucked into an endless stream of dogma and righteousness, they will naturally do everything they can to avoid such discussions. Maybe they picture the door-to-door caller who won’t leave until you have agreed to their principles. No one wants this level of uninvited intrusiveness.

But the true essence of spirituality couldn’t be further from this representation. Spirituality is always a personal interpretation. I can only ever know my version, never decree what you should or shouldn’t believe. As soon as I ask you to think or do something against your own values and principles, I am no longer led by spirit but firmly attached to the ego’s needs for validation. Spirit never requires external corroboration. It knows its own truth.

I like to think of spirituality as being the absolute em-body-ment of living an inspired (in-spirit) life.  It is the ability to move out of the analytical mind and drop into your core inhabited by your heart and soul. It doesn’t discount intellectual reasoning but uses its functionality to fulfill a deeper level of purpose. It is where you will find your passion, peace, joy and contentment.

The rules about spirituality are that there are no rules! Being spiritual doesn’t require you to meditate daily, visit a church or temple, take up yoga or change your diet — unless you want to!

You are just as likely to connect to your heart centre and spirit whilst walking your dog, playing sports, listening to music, baking or gardening. Any activity that brings you present to the moment and in deep rapport with your self could be described as spiritual.

Perhaps it is time to ditch the prejudice and allow everyone to express their truth however crazy it may sound. Let’s make using the ‘s’ word acceptable both at home and in work.

Over the last few weeks, I have blogged about the idea of getting present in our lives. Far too many of us have been caught up in the pursuit of more — greater career and financial success, the perfect relationship and family, the house, the car, the shiny things, the blah, blah, blah!

I’m not suggesting that we ditch all of our material possessions (although I confess that the idea of such simplicity has been appealing to me recently!) but rather we allow our focus to be turned inwards towards our true nature.

Why? Because everything we have ever strived for has been because we wanted the feel-good emotions that came with success. But feelings are always an inside job so why on earth would we use outside circumstances in an attempt to influence and manipulate them.

Today I wanted to share with you my ten top tips for shifting from pursuit to presence. Simple approaches that you can use to tune into your emotional well-being and find the joy and contentment you both want and deserve.

1) Breathe — breathing is the cure-all treatment for emotional health. When we are in pursuit mode, our breathing will shorten and become more shallow (preparing us for flight or fight). Taking a few, deep, belly breaths re-centers and re-aligns you in your body. And any time you face an overwhelming emotional state, breathing into it, rather than avoiding it, always connects you back to peace.

2) Hug yourself — this may be one to do in the privacy of your home or somewhere less visible at the office! Wrap your arms around your body and pull your knees up to your chest. Repeat the words “I am loved. I am safe. All is well“. Spending a few minutes in your cocoon will connect you back to you.

3) Mindfulness — bring all of your attention to the activity you are doing, Whether that is eating or doing the washing up. Focus in on the details… notice all that you can see, smell, hear and touch.  Any issues and worries will just fade into the background.

4) Stretch — stand with your feet hip-width apart. Stretch your arms above your head. See yourself as the connection between the unconditional love of Mother Earth below and universal love radiating above. As you stretch, imagine this love transmitting through your hands and your feet and blending with the self-love in your heart. You are a beacon of lovingness!

5) Dance — with or without music, let your body move in its own way. Make it less about how it looks and more about how you experience it. Feel into every movement. How does your body enjoy dancing?

6) Tongue-tied — find a place where you can sit quietly and be the observer of your thoughts. Rather than resisting the chatterbox, welcome and embrace it. Let it share all that it needs to. As it begins to run out of steam (or starts going round in circles!), whisper a thank you and then place the tip of your tongue against the back of your front teeth. Notice how the words just stop coming.

7) Heart-speak — if you find yourself in a difficult or challenging conversation, place your hand over the left-hand side of your chest. Ask your heart what it wants for you and the other person/people. The head may try to convince you of your rightness but when you let your heart guide you, your responses will be loving and inclusive, a reflection of your true nature.

8) Nap — when did napping go out of fashion and how do we reinstate it? Napping is one of the fastest ways to bring yourself back to presence. For any shocking or traumatic situations, it is absolutely essential. Again, our heads will probably want us to get on with fixing the problem or taking back control so shutting our minds down can be deeply healing and beneficial. This is why our bodies use comas as a healing process. When our conscious interventions are stopped, the part of us that can restore and rejuvenate are able to get to work. Even if its the last thing you feel like doing, take a nap and when you awake, a new calmness will be available to you.

9) Tree-hugging — yes I really did say it! Get outside and find an appealing looking tree. Place your hands on or around the trunk. Absorb the energy encased within the bark. Trees have such undeniable wisdom. If you stay present to your experience, you may well find it shares a message or insight with you.

10) Shower-time — water is healing and restorative. Stand under the running water of a shower (or a waterfall if you can find one!) and allow it to wash all over you. Cleanse your body with complete awareness of how it feels. You may even want to close your eyes and do it by touch. As you wash, repeat the mantra “This is me and I love me“. The body adores appreciation and by loving it unconditionally, you reconnect to your heart and soul.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

In my recent posts, I have been exploring the ways in which we can surrender our attachment to controlling our life experiences and instead open our hearts and let love lead the way. Each of the different approaches I share offers a different way to letting go of struggle so you can discover your inner bliss.

In this article, I wanted to share the ways in which the illusion of power can prevent complete forgiveness and how this keeps us from true peace of mind.

The idea of forgiveness as an important spiritual concept is nothing new. I am sure even the mention of it probably generates an eye roll or two. Haven’t we been there, done that, got the t-shirt?!

I would have probably been the first to make a flippant remark if it was suggested that I should do some more forgiveness work to find my bliss. I’m sure I have let more than my fair share of people off the hook over the years.

But even thinking that we have let people off the hook is really a cunning strategy deployed by the ego to keep us safely in our position of superiority. If we believe we have taken the higher ground and are passing our pardon on those that we deem deserve it, we are not opening our heart, and we are simply masking one false sense of power with another.

Let’s explore a typical example. Someone does something that hurts or harms you. It is likely that your first (understandable) response is suffering. Perhaps you feel helpless or powerless. We don’t want to suffer so we are now having a new reaction to our first response. We need to regain the sense of power that we feel we have lost. How do we do that? We usually assume the position of anger, blame or revenge.

This is the first illusion of power. Now instead of the shame of powerlessness, we feel the surge of energy that accompanies rage or hate. Isn’t it curious that we would rather despise or blame someone than feel helpless? But hate is the fastest way to close our heart. We may feel more in control but we are moving even further away from our bliss.

Many self-growth and spiritual teachers will then propose forgiveness as the key to reconnecting to love. But forgiveness is not always practiced in a way that opens the heart. If I continue to view their actions as wrong; if I feel as though I am letting them off the hook; if I feel that I have some superior position that gives me the right to dole out a pardon, then I am still coming from a place of judgment and my heart is as firmly closed as it has ever been.

True forgiveness cannot come from the mind; it has to come from the heart. The heart knows that at the soul level we are all deeply intertwined. That person who did me wrong is merely my reflection — my teacher — my gift. They are showing me the areas in which I have been neglecting love. My work is to find ways to
appreciate the message rather than to hate the messenger.

Real forgiveness is the knowledge that the suffering we experience can only ever be down to a lack of connection to our own heart. With an open heart there is never a sense of inferiority or superiority. Nothing can hurt us unless we are already hurting ourselves. Embracing this understanding, we exchange our false sense of power for the undeniable and unwavering power of love.

The next time you feel hurt, do not dip into powerlessness, do not seek revenge and do not try to let them off the hook. Instead, turn your attention gently within and ask the light of your heart to show you the way back home to your bliss.

PS I created a visual representation of these four levels to forgiveness. Many of us get stuck at level three and are never able to experience the true peace we yearn for and deserve. To access our true power, we must make the transition into seeing that everyone is merely our reflection. We let go of any pain, hurt or superiority. We realise that there is nothing to forgive.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

The author and diarist, Anais Nin is famously quoted as saying “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Never has this been more true than in our relationships.

If you have ever wondered about the secret to fulfilling and lasting connections, the path to finding the answer lies within this quote. To uncover the formula, we must first return to the start.

Bring to mind any significant relationship you have in your life right now — intimate partnership, close friend, business colleague. When and how did you meet that person? Can you recall how you felt in those first few moments of connecting?

When two people initially encounter each other, they are entering the world of the unknown. Perhaps you have been given the low-down on this person as a form of introduction or maybe you are meeting a total stranger. Either way, you have no direct experience of them so your mind (and your heart) are wide open to possibilities.

As you may already know, the judging process begins within a seconds of that encounter — it’s why we are taught that first impressions count. Our minds dislike the uncertainty of not knowing and instantly begin creating a character portrait based on how this person looks and the first words that they speak. In fact, what they are saying is actually only a tiny proportion of our judgment (5-10%). The rest comes down to body language and tone of voice, and after just a few minutes of interaction, we have ‘decided’ whether we like or dislike this person, whether we trust or distrust them, whether we think they are attractive, intelligent or will make our Christmas card list!

Our minds are made up — or better said our minds have created the certainty they crave and the window of possibility has begun to close.

Most of what happens after those first few minutes can be summed up as the justification process. Our ‘made up’ mind now seeks the evidence to support our premature conclusions and guess what — it will always find what it needs because it just loves to know that it is right.

Meanwhile, back home in our hearts, the wiser and loving part of us knows that connection manifests in multiple forms. Whilst the head is busy making snap judgments, our hearts are staying open to possibilities, seeking commonalities and looking for the best in people.

The outcome of our relationship building is therefore determined by who is in charge. Are we going to be led by the heart or the head?

Anyone who has ever met someone and initially felt dislike or distrust only to later find a connection — maybe even a love match — has experienced the heart winning out!

So how is this important in our longer-term relationships? For someone to have successfully made it into your close circle means they must have passed the head and heart test. Maybe it was an instant bonding or perhaps you were just able to suspend judgments long enough for the connection to reveal itself.

But remember the mind likes certainty and to feel in control so even in our close relationships, it will be much more attached to reinforcing our preconceptions rather than discovering possibilities.

In other words, once we believe we have ‘met’ the other person, we will see them as they are in our mind’s character portrait rather than how they really are. The problem occurs when one of us changes. Human beings do have a tendency to evolve and if we aren’t updating our character portraits, sooner or later there will be a conflict. Ever found yourself returning to a family or school reunion and immediately regressing? The perceptions of the mind are so powerful that stepping out and being who you are (when someone else is sure of who they think you are) can be extremely challenging and takes a great deal of self-awareness.

So what is the secret formula to long lasting and fulfilling relationships? To be led by the heart and see the other person as they really are. Perhaps you recall the movie Avatar —as Jake and Neytiri’s unlikely relationship develops they say to each other “I see you“.  What cuts across the boundaries and limitations of species is their absolute willingness to see beyond form and into the nature of the soul.

So returning to Nin’s quote, we see others not as they are but as we are. To really connect on the deepest level, we must learn to suspend our judgments and re-open to possibilities. The essence of connection in relationships is our willingness to get present and to ‘meet’ the other person each and every time as they are, not as we think them to be.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

Last week, I had a special request to write a post on the idea of love at work. Much of what I write is relevant to all situations. Why? Because if you are taking your whole self to work, there won’t be a substantial difference between the professional and personal persona.

Having said that, what do you do when you have difficult colleagues, a challenging boss or an unreasonable Managing Director? Perhaps you feel you can’t express yourself as freely as you would do at home.

How do you stay calm, centred and loving when the demands are high, time is short and company politics rife? Is love really compatible with the corporate world?

If you are familiar with my writing, you will already know that I believe our true nature is that of love. Our natural birthright is to be happy and loving and any time we find ourselves feeling or behaving differently, we can know that other forces are at play.

So what gets in the way? We have all had the experience of bipping merrily along our path when some inconsiderate or cruel person says or does something that offends or upsets us and “BANG!” — our joy comes crashing down!

We fall into the ‘if only” pattern… “if only they hadn’t said that, if only they hadn’t done that, if only they weren’t in my life, if only they didn’t work here, if only _____________” and so on and so on.

Our reactions may range from sadness, hurt or vulnerability to frustration, anger or revenge.

The tendency is to blame the other person but closer examination reveals that what has taken us away from our loving nature is our own emotional response. Therefore, our biggest concern should not be their behaviour or attitude but rather how easily we have been taken off track.

We might not want to hear this. It may well be true that you that you have difficult and awkward people to work with. But it is a story created by the intellectual reasoning of the mind that thinks being loving and centred comes from being in control of your circumstances and environment.

Your heart knows differently. Anyone who ever fell hopelessly and completely in love for no apparent reason knows that being in control is never a part of feeling love.

Your head will try to manage the problem. It turns to the toolkit of the mind. Let’s contemplate, analyse and fix what is wrong. It will fight to regain control of the situation.

The resources of the mind may be well developed but they are seriously limited. And the more you are in your head, the further you get from your heart — which, by the way, already knows the perfect solution if you could let go of the story long enough to listen to the words of love.

So now an opportunity presents itself. The next time you experience a reason to be less than loving at work, you know that the issue doesn’t lie with anyone else. Instead we can turn our attention to the connection with our hearts.

In the moment that someone acts badly towards you or says something unfair, what makes you want to stop loving you? Are you really going to let someone else come between you and your heart?

So experiencing love at work is entirely possible. We just have to be completely committed to self-love.

When the invitations come to be unloving — the less than constructive criticism, the tactless request, the pointless meetings, the misconceptions or the injustice, just let the story of the mind go. Your heart will advise that the only reasonable response is to ask yourself gently, “is this worth falling out of (self) love for?”

 
By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

In my work as a transformational and business development coach, I have spotted an interesting (but slightly concerning) trend. Prospective clients are much more likely to spend money on growing their business or furthering their careers than on their personal growth. It takes them less time to decide to invest and generally they commit for longer.

Let’s stop to think about this.

Which do you think is more important?

Which are you more likely to spend money on?

I have a sense that the answer to these questions might be different.

Why? Because somehow spending money on our business/careers is more justifiable than spending money on ourselves. It’s a cultural thing. We live in a society that, up until now, has been mainly driven by the material world. And to exist in that world, your most valuable asset is your financial wealth.

You can buy a house. You can buy a car. You can buy food. You can buy heat and light. You can buy accessories and trinkets. We have been brought up since the beginning of our time here to believe that these are the essential components of life. Not necessarily for a happy or a fulfilled life but most certainly for a safe and secure existence. Very few of us would be willing to experiment with giving up all of our material possessions to test this theory.

But what if you did lose everything?

We have seen too many natural disasters wipe away people’s lives in an instant.

Which leaves what? Take a moment to consider where you would live if you lost all of your possessions.

Crises like this take us all to the same place. We are moved from living in an external world to the bare and stark truth of our internal environment. So how cozy are you making your inner home?

Of course, I am not saying that everyone should immediately take on a coach or book a workshop. I am proposing that we dedicate as much time and effort to nurturing our sense of self as we do to furthering our career.

It just seems crazy to invest so heavily in the precarious nature of an external environment that can be taken away in the blink of an eye, doesn’t it?

And if I find myself stranded with nowhere to go and nothing to do, I am going to be spending a lot of time with myself. It probably pays to know that is a relationship that works!

The world is shifting. We can rationalise the economic problems of high street stores like HMV, Blockbusters and Jessops with logical explanations about the advances of online technology. And of course that is true.

But if we track the financial crisis back to its origins, where did it begin? Overspending on our material world in attempts to make us feel safe and in control.

Maybe we need to admit defeat. Do we really feel any more secure?

Financial wealth cannot buy us peace of mind. It cannot buy us happiness. It cannot show you the truth of your heart or the wisdom of your soul.

No one is asking you to give up your possessions or your wealth. But it could be that an hour spent meeting your self is an hour very well spent.

Perhaps you will find that the quest for wealth through growing a business or advancing your employment is really secondary to the true richness that you will find in your heart.

Maybe learning about who you are is the best career you can ever choose.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

Many of us will have come across the concept of life purpose on our self-development journeys. The idea that we all have a personal mission that we are here on this planet to fulfill. In principle, this theory can be the source of much inspiration and energy. There’s a special agent vibe that can fire us up to seek out our personal assignment and ultimately find the work we were born to do.

I think there are a couple of downsides to adopting this concept. The first is that any time we decide that there is one thing (and one thing only) that we are meant to be doing, we are limiting ourselves in so many other ways. We can avoid this trap by ensuring that the purpose we assume is a big enough box for us to grow into. If we make the box too small initially, as we evolve, we might outgrow our assignment and eventually need to find a different direction altogether (the basis of many a mid-life crisis!).

Apart from ensuring that our box is big enough for growth, the other problem I have witnessed clients encounter is a lack of clarity about what they should be doing. Lacking clarity is the fastest way to stall your life and if you have knowing your life purpose as a prerequisite to moving forward, you can get stuck very quickly. A bit like Neo’s consumption of the red pill in the film the Matrix, once you know that you are supposed to have a life purpose, you can’t get back to the blissful ignorance of not knowing. What you are doing now has to have meaning, otherwise you feel flat, unfulfilled or disgruntled.

So if you don’t yet know your life purpose, what do you do whilst you are waiting? Rather than thinking in terms of one core life purpose, we can instead start thinking in terms of gifts. Our gifts are our strengths. No one else in this world has had the same experiences as you. No one has learnt all that you have learnt. No one has developed exactly the same set of skills. That in itself makes you unique and special. Whether you have clarity on your life purpose or not, I believe that everyone has more gifts to offer the world than they consciously know.  And when we share those gifts willingly and freely, we make a significant and consistent difference to the world and get the reciprocal benefits of a life of contribution.

I call this the model of service. It is exceptionally freeing because nothing in your life needs to change in order for you to start serving. Whether you are the CEO of a blue chip company or flipping burgers in a fast food restaurant, the model of service is open to us all.  So how does it work?

Rather than trying to pursue a life purpose, we simply ask ourselves each and every day how we can be of service to others.  You take each situation and you serve to the best of your ability.  In this model, there is no need for reward or recognition. The benefit to you is the feel-good vibes of knowing you are being of Divine service. You serve that grumpy customer with a smile because you feel good when you are being happy. You willingly do what your boss asks because it feels good to do so. You offer to assist or support someone in need because it just feels good to help.

Being of service is simply a mindset and attitude. The best kind of service is when you are using your natural gifts to make a difference. So knowing what you are good at can really support this approach to the world.

Therefore, I’d like to set you a challenge. Over the next few days, create a list of 100 of your gifts. Think about all that you have learnt to reach this point in your life/career. Consider how you have helped others in the past. Reflect on all of your peak experiences. What did you have to be good at for that to happen? These are the basis of your gifts list.

Take some time to tune into your gifts. You will find it so much easier to identify situations to be of service. Maybe you will discover your life purpose or perhaps being of service is the only mission you will ever need to feel successful.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

Along our spiritual path, we will all encounter the concept of acceptance as being a doorway to discovering our bliss. The idea being that if we can be more accepting of what is, we will bring peace into our lives.

Acceptance doesn’t appear to be the most glamorous of spiritual approaches but it is vastly under-rated. Since the 1980’s and the era of having it all, we have been conditioned into wanting more. However much we have consciously repelled materialism, we cannot live in a climate based on accumulation and not have been affected.  In fact, denying materialism is still the flipside of the problem. Our aim is to be able to transcend our desires whilst honouring and respecting our dreams. To be aware of them yet not driven by them brings both peace and freedom.

Dreams and wishes are a natural part of being human. We wouldn’t ever learn to walk or talk if the desire to move or communicate wasn’t present. The problem is that, culturally, the quest for more has moved beyond a passion for exploring our world and into the realms of addiction. What was once viewed as a privilege is now an expectation and when life doesn’t measure up to these norms, we experience angst and pain. It is our misguided belief that life ‘should’ be different to how it is that is causing our suffering.

One of our biggest blocks to inner peace, is the unwillingness to live in the reality of our current circumstances. We have learnt that if there is an issue, we should either deny it or fix it. Neither approach will help us towards discovering bliss.

We find ourselves getting lost in the gap between our reality and our expectations. Being somewhere ‘in between’ is the root of all of our feelings of insecurity, instability and loneliness. We don’t belong in the future — we belong in the now. It is impossible to feel personally fulfilled when we are busy trying to live in some imagined reality.  We may feel excited or inspired but we won’t find the contented happiness that comes from being at peace with life.

Here are some of the ways in which we can journey down the path of acceptance:

Acceptance of us

We were born whole, happy and complete. Somewhere between then and now, we have picked up conditioned beliefs that in some way we don’t measure up. Most of us hold the mistaken idea that we aren’t good enough and any day we will be found out — what psychologists refer to as the imposter syndrome.

Self-acceptance is a process of discovering your true, unconditioned nature. We all have flaws. We all have talents. This is what makes you uniquely you. To return to the wholeness of your birth, let go of the need to judge the parts as good or bad and wrong or right. This divides and separates your sense of self. Know that you are all of these aspects and they are all part of the perfection of your being. There is no need for you to be any different. Just show up as you are and that is enough.

Acceptance of others

To return to our natural state of oneness, we must then extend the same courtesy to those around us. When we judge or criticise anyone else, we amplify our own separation. We are all descended from one source of creation; therefore we must all be connected. Each bucket of water taken from the ocean remains as the ocean. Therefore we are all part of the divine source.

Take time to notice how your perceptions steal away your inner peace. We cannot acknowledge anyone as better or worse than us and still feel good. Judgment is not a path to bliss. Therefore, acceptance of others, not as a brother or a sister but as the reflection of us, is to awaken to the real truth — That we are all one.

Acceptance of Divine Will

When we stop to contemplate life, isn’t it rather amusing that we strive to be in control. Taking into account every aspect of the Universe, where did we get the misguided impression that we were in charge?

The important distinction to make is that we are not the creator of our experiences but we are the co-creators. It is our focus and intentions that set the scene but divine will that tells the story.

Where it tends to get messy is when we start interfering with the storyteller’s work. Don’t the best scripts always unfold perfectly? From our limited viewpoint, we take a snapshot of time and firmly declare, “This is not as it should be”. So begins our meddling!

What if you stopped arguing with reality and instead accepted life just as it is for now? That which we think is so wrong, may lead us directly to our desired destiny if we allow things to unfold as intended. How would you be if you accepted that life was happening perfectly? Welcome to your bliss!

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

As a coach, whenever I ask clients faced with difficulties or conflict what they want, the response is always similar. The anxious presenter wants to feel calm. The mother with bickering children wants tranquillity  The over-stretched employee wants some space to think. The divorcee wants to stop arguing with their ex. There are so many different situations that all come down to the same thing — the quest for inner peace.

Why does inner peace elude us so much? In principle, it seems so simple. Stop and be still
and the bliss of this moment will reveal itself… won’t it? Apparently not!

Anyone who has ever tried to go from stressed out to stillness in one fell swoop knows it is doomed to failure. You may have been there before. You may be there now. And pity the poor helper who offers the well-meaning suggestion that you should just ‘calm down’. Note to reader: If you plan to use this advice, I strongly
recommend ducking immediately the words have been uttered!

Even if we are not in the full-blown version of stress and anxiety, going from high alert to peaceful is still a really big ask. Those of us who have thought we can compensate for living on over-drive with a quiet massage or meditation know that we tend to spend the first fifteen minutes trying to quieten our mind and the
next fifteen asleep.

The clue is really in the label. Inner peace is exactly where it should be. On the inside of each and every one of us is a place of pure tranquillity —unmoved and unaffected by anything occurring on the outside. We sometimes struggle to find our way there because the entrance is hidden behind some uncomfortable feelings that we would rather avoid.

Sitting still means getting to know yourself. When the meaningless distractions are taken away, it is just you and YOU. And if we haven’t been giving ourselves enough quality ‘me-time’, we will stand in front of our true self like an apologetic and inattentive partner. How will you explain your reasons for being absent for
so long?

So here is your challenge: Take five minutes to just sit with yourself. There is no objective of this exercise other than to meet yourself exactly where you are. You may want to make yourself comfortable and close your eyes. Become the quiet observer noticing your thoughts and feelings as they occur. Let go of any judgements and simply allow whatever wants to be, even the mind chatter. Just watch yourself and your mind with interest.

What did you find? Perhaps you were able to immediately experience that space of connection and peace.

But maybe you noticed something different. Quite often, our re-encounters with our true self can bring uncomfortable emotions – anxiety, loneliness, frustration, impatience or sadness and so on.

We aren’t taught to enjoy those feelings and so our natural tendency is to turn away or avoid. But when we make them welcome – as they are without the need to change or fix the experience — we often find that we drop through the discomfort.

Beneath all of those ego-fuelled emotions, we discover the truth that was hiding there all along — inner peace was never hiding from us, we had just walked away.

Any time we want to feel the full, spacious nature of our inner being, we simply need to stop, let what will be just be and let the doorway to the peace we seek simply open through our hearts.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com

On a recent workshop, we found ourselves in a deep discussion around what it means to be authentic. This concept is not new nor can it ever be fully described. Authenticity is an internal experience. In explanation, we will always be confined by the limitations of our language. No description can adequately do the experience justice.

But something in us seems to know that this idea of being real is essential for our emotional and spiritual wellbeing.  So we are willing to engage in the quest to find out who we really are. We will take courses, read books and go on retreats in the hope of finding answers. To know our true self is the driving force behind many spiritual practices.

There is almost a hint of the ridiculous here — that we can spend our entire lives in this relationship with our self and yet know so little of who we really are. What could possibly get in the way of such an intimate understanding?

We might attempt to explain these blocks with references to the incessant distraction that surrounds us. We live in an ongoing stream of noisy activity and constant doing. From the moment we leave the nurturing environment of the womb, we are subject to an overloading of stimulation to the senses. By the time we have reached school, the demands are relentless. And should our focus drift towards our inner self, we are reprimanded for not paying sufficient attention to the lessons in the classroom. Unfortunately we are taught at a young age that the best learning occurs on the outside rather than within — such a shame!

To know ourselves we need silence. But even if we can find a quiet space in our external environment, it doesn’t necessarily mean we can find the much-needed stillness on the inside. We are conditioned to be in a ‘respond and react’ mode. When the external stimulation subsides, our minds are perfectly capable of continuing with this pattern unaided. We fret about the smallest things. We are constantly questioning our choices. Our thoughts are an ongoing process of comment and criticism. So instantly switching from high alert to inner peace is a very big ask.

If authenticity is an essential component to a fulfilling and satisfying life and to know our self is the key to authenticity, then it must follow that creating space to connect to our true nature is one of our highest priorities.

Many will say the answer lies in meditation. Meditation is often seen as the spiritual medicine for healing the over-drive in our lives — as though “take a spoonful of meditation twice a day” is all we need to find this elusive inner bond. I am not knocking meditation or any other spiritual practices, I am just saying that spending fifteen minutes a day in quietness and the other twenty-three hours and forty-five minutes in headless chicken pursuit may not be enough to cultivate this connection with our true self.

To know thy self with real intimacy requires a greater commitment.  We must choose to bring awareness and presence to all of our thoughts and actions — not with the desire to change or fix those aspects we deem as unacceptable but rather as the silent yet compassionate observer of our life story.

We continue to let the journey unfold without interference as both the experiencer and the witness.  Curiosity and inquiry are benchmarks of this ability to maintain both positions simultaneously. We can ask why we chose a particular path or course of action but we must still allow ourselves to lead our lives fully and spontaneously as the moment arises.  We don’t seek to blame, second-guess or alter our course of direction. As we allow this freedom, we bring a new depth of intimacy to our understanding of our true nature.

Perhaps the quest for authenticity has less to do with action and more to do with awareness. In fact, the idea that we can ever be less than authentic is flawed. Our true self will always be real, only our self-awareness can ever be absent. Bring that attention to your actions and your true nature must reveal itself. To be real(ly you) only requires the gift of your presence.

By Tiffany Kay

Tiffany Kay is a transformational coach, inspirational speaker and the creator of Living an Inspired Life. After flat-lining through the early part of her life, Tiffany faced a challenging and transformational time of awakening. Following her son’s open-heart surgery, she realised that life matters and made a deliberate and conscious decision to make her life a life that counted. Since then she has been inspiring others to discover the truth of who they are!
Tiffany runs a coaching programme called “Your Life Two” that helps women to turn crises and transitions into awakenings – to design and sculpt an inspired life and to find the happiness they truly deserve.

Tiffany is also the author of  “JoyScope” – a book and blog offering daily inspirations to nourish the heart and soul.

Website www.tiffanykay.com and www.yourlifetwo.com