Julia Hague

My name is Julia Hague, I was born in 1957 in London and was educated in a Convent School where I learned how to be strong, compassionate, and confident and an independent thinking young woman.  I think the fact that the nuns were these strong independent women was a huge influence on me.  One of them, my Latin tutor, told me one evening when she was giving me private Latin tuition to get me through an exam, that she had chained herself to the railings with Emily Pankhurst, one of the Suffragettes.  It intrigued and fascinated me that she had had the independence of spirit to make huge brave choices in her life and was sitting tutoring me, nonchalantly telling me something huge from her past.

I was 14….. Growing up in the Sixties and Seventies in such a vibrant city as London gave me a love of people and a fascination for what makes them tick.  I’d sit at a pavement café and watch the interactions between people, their arguments, their body language and I’d be mesmerised.  I still am.  I don’t make a good coffee companion because I get lost in other people’s worlds around me and tend not to hear my companion’s conversation!

I guess if you wanted me to sum myself up I’d describe myself as a writer who is an advocate for women across the world and how they feel about their own self-worth and I’m completely passionate about changing the way women look at themselves and others so that their own corner of the world is a better place, and they can then make their friends’ corner of the world better too and it becomes a domino effect of change.  If a woman can teach her daughter that she is beautiful in her own skin looking the way she does, no matter what her size or shape or hair colour etc, that she shouldn’t pay attention to bullies at school or in the work place who taunt and tease, usually because of their own insecurities,  then we stand a chance that the daughter will grow into a woman who will teach the same to her daughter and so on.  It’s a chain reaction.  It’s what I try to teach.

Julia and a Founder of Sanctuary for kids, Amanda Tapping

Women have it in their own hands to change the way they feel about themselves.  The Media has a lot to answer for.  It’s no shock to ordinary women that the most popular size in the shops here in the UK for women’s dresses is a 14 or a 16.  So why then do all the models wear size 6,8 or at most a 10?  Why do a lot of films have only heroines or main female characters in them who are perfect and slim?  Look at your average high street and look at the women walking down it.  Different shapes and sizes.  Amazingly interesting.  All these women are beautiful and worthwhile and absolutely unique.  We should be celebrating the uniqueness  because you only have to look at them to see the beauty.  Don’t just glance.  Reach inside and find it and once you have there’s no turning back.  Ever.  You’ll never view a woman as less worthy than another because she’s bigger or smaller or not wearing the latest fashion.  You’ll just see her worth and her gorgeousness. No one should let someone else dictate how they look or how they feel.  How dare they!  And what right do they have to do it? By talking to one another and sharing our own stories honestly, no matter how embarrassing or how ashamed we think we feel, there is always another woman out there feeling the same.  Women helping women. Finding ways to make other’s lives better. It’s that simple.

I felt so passionate about it that I started talking to other women all over the world.  Their stories were the same.  Embarrassment sometimes yes, but finally relief that they could tell someone who understood.   Fury often that having been bullied about their appearance at school they’d turned on themselves quite literally and let the feelings of worthlessness destroy their lives.  Often, just talking with them made a huge difference.  One girl who I talked with actually stopped being bulimic there and then. She’d been bulimic for years but had no one to talk to, no one to reason with or work out why she’d done it.  She said I’d saved her life.  Do you know what that makes you feel?  Humble, overwhelmed.

I brought out into the open stories from women who suffered from embarrassing body hair often caused by polycystic ovaries, big boobs, small boobs, big droopy tummies. Ordinary , everyday women or all ages who had the same everyday bodies, and the same issues, that other women had.

Some people might ask how I knew what it felt like to have body image issues.  I knew because I had had them too.  I’d been bullied at school, bullied at college, had polycystic ovaries, a non-perfect figure, a droopy tummy.  But I’d climbed out, worked out why I felt the way I did and decided that no one would ever make me feel bad about myself again. The stories the women told resounded with me.  I connected with their feelings and I wanted them to climb out too and never feel bad about themselves again.  I wanted them to love themselves just the way they were.  Unique. Beautiful.

Then I put the stories together into a book.  No publisher or agent was interested.  They didn’t know what to do with a book full of women’s personal stories about body image and self esteem.  But I knew.  So I self-published and distributed it through Amazon and as an e-book.

Julia's Book Launch

It doesn’t have any publicity.  It’s not in high street book shops. But it’s flying, slowly, across the world.  The little book with wings. Woman to woman.  Word of mouth or via twitter. I’ve had emails from Brazil to New Zealand and they say the same thing.  “Thank you for putting in black and white how I felt and making me realise it’s okay to be me.”

A few women have even bought second copies because the first is thumbed through so much.  It’s become their bedside companion when they feel down or need to share another “sister’s” story.  I love that it’s done that.  I love meeting women when I sell the book at live events and sign it for them and see the tears in their eyes and can hug them and connect.  It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.  To even affect one woman and how she feels for the better.  To affect hundreds is a gift.

As well as my passion for women’s feelings of self-worth I am also passionate about charity fund raising, giving 100% of the profits from my book, which is incidentally called “You is For Unique”, to my chosen Charity, Sanctuary for Kids, a Canadian charity which is founded by one of my dearest friends, actress Amanda Tapping.

It’s a match made in heaven…my  book is helping women and is also helping children in crisis across the world! Perfect!

In my spare(!) time,  I am also CEO of my own not for profit Fundraising Events Company, Gabit Events which specialises in fundraising for Sanctuary for kids and Hearing Dogs for the Deaf in the world of Science Fiction fandom by running events in the UK for Amanda and her fans.  We’ve also just put together a distribution model for Sanctuary for kids to distribute their fundraising merchandise at no administration costs to them.

In case you are wondering I also have a full time job as a personal assistant to a Headteacher in a private girls’ school so my time is really taken up.  I’m also married, have been for thirty years, with a newly married daughter.

I guess I should throw into the mix that I am also trotting around my local park as frequently as I can to train as a Torch bearer for the London 2012 Olympics.  I got the surprise of my life when I was nominated by women readers of “You is for Unique” to the London 2012 Olympics Committee to carry the Olympic Torch and have been chosen via Coca-Cola to run in London on 24^th July.  When I carry it I hope it reminds women all over the world that they are incredibly beautiful, all of them, and they can do anything they turn their hand to and it’s about time they all realised it!

“You is for Unique” is available at Amazon.co.uk at £9.99 for the paperback and is also available as an e-book on our website.

Information on Sanctuary for kids is available at www.sanctuaryforkids.org

With Life Coach Lori Snyder

Intimacy in top form

“Don’t smother each other.  No one can grow in the shade.”  ~Leo Buscaglia

When it comes to intimate relationships, we never stop growing, changing and learning.  These are some of the reasons why it is so important to continuously be aware of nurturing your connection with your significant other, as well as always being mindful to love without condition, and respect and empower your sweetheart.

Many times we tend to take for granted the person we are intimate with.  We treat colleague’s employees, friend’s, and acquaintances with all due respect, and let the same courtesy slip with the person we love.

Although nine out of ten times this is not done intentionally, it does happen often. It can be that one tends to feel most relaxed and comfortable with their partner, that they feel safe letting their guard down.  That is fabulous, it is only when you start becoming lazy with the needs of nurturing the relationship, and you start taking advantage of the other’s kindness and caring that you may run into trouble.   When you stop hearing and caring about your partner’s needs and wants, trouble can then begin to surface.   Be mindful that being comfortable with your partner is a wonderful gift not to be taken for granted.

Since life can get so hectic and busy, it is often those closest to us that feel it the most, they are also most likely short-changed when we are pressed or rushed with work-related chores, or other things that may be taking our time.  Also, if one partner is going through a change of routine, or change of life situations, it is easy for a lack of communication and disagreements to begin surfacing in the relationship.

If you don’t nib these issues in the bud early on, resentment can then begin to grow. It may even escalate into a very unhappy existence between the two of you, who in the past had the capacity to grow a very strong, loving, empowering connection.  One that would help each of you to become power partner’s together and separately, one that would nurture, care and create a lasting relationship based on a foundation of love, trust and deep caring for the other person’s happiness and success in life.

Working together is extremely important in order for your relationship to deepen and grow. If you work with your partner when each of you are in your separate life transitions and both of you make it a point to be able to change and grow together, while always keeping the trust, and the doors of communication open, you will then help the relationship develop into the strong one it has the potential to become.

The problem is, that most of the time in the mist of our busyness, we forget to nurture and care for the relationship, and we sometimes push its needs aside.  By the time we are aware of the damage done, it may be to late.

So what steps can you take to prevent this from happening?  Or, possibly reversing the damage, if the relationship was strong enough.  The easiest and simplest way, is to always remember to not take your relationship for granted.  With that being said, let’s look at some other steps that can help.

1. Love–Always remember that love is not enough to keep a relationship strong, and moving full stream ahead.  It takes connection and caring for a thriving relationship to build.

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1. Respect–You need to have respect for your partner.  You need to hear what they say.  You do not always have to agree, but you do need to respect their thoughts, ideas and viewpoints.  You cannot change anyone, nor should you want to.  It will not work if that is the case.

1. Trust–This is most important.  There needs to be a basic foundation of trust towards each other in order to feel comfortable showing your true colors, as well as expressing what needs to be expressed.  You should not have to worry that they will leave if they don’t agree with something.  If something needs to be addressed and worked out in the relationship, you should feel comfortable with having the knowledge and a level of trust with your partner, that if anything is ever really wrong in the relationship, you have an agreement with your partner that they will come to you to express it,  and not to other’s who are not in the situation.  It is important to know that any major decisions about the wellbeing, or not, of your union will be made together, just as the relationship was started together.  You will want to know that your partner respects and cares for you enough to make all-important decisions about the relationship with you.  Sometimes one partner may seeks advice, comfort, etc in someone outside the relationship, unfortunately this harms the relationship, as the other person is not in the relationship, and cannot possibly know all the intimacies, issues, etc in it.

1. Communication—What can I say, this is a given.  You cannot possibly have a healthy relationship without good, open and honest communication from both sides.  This also means hearing and caring about what your partner is saying, and if you don’t agree with it, you work on a solution together, or you both agree to disagree on the subject at hand,  you don’t leave the conversation forever without making any changes to the issue of disagreement that was at hand.  Sometimes one partner may say, let’s talk about this another time, yes you can, if you both really set a time to talk about it, and then work towards a solution.  If a partner says this to move away from the issue, without really wanting to come up with a workable, or at least an agreement, it can be very harmful to the relationship.  You simply cannot survive if one partner does not care to work on an issue at hand that is causing stress in the relationship.  You don’t have to agree to do something you don’t want to, but you cannot skirt around an issue, and never come to an agreement.  If you do this, you are only setting the relationship up for failure.

1. Adaptability- Hey, life and people constantly change.  You need to change both together and separately, while having the power to keep your togetherness strong and thriving.

1. Strength- You need to be able to grow and face the fears and challenges and roadblocks that come into any relationship from time to time.  Have the courage and faith and love to get through things together, it can only make you stronger.  I am not talking here of something that is a major threat to your life, however no relationship runs smooth forever.  It is important to have the foundation to get through the tough times together,  that is what makes the relationship something to cherish as well as something that is special and unique to the two of you.

1. Time- take the time no matter how busy each of you are to connect to each other, share your joy and share your worry.  That is one of the best things about being in a healthy relationship; you always have your partner, who you love, and trust to share things with.  Remember it is not about dumping negativity or anger on them, it is about talking and sharing in a loving way both your joys and fears.  Hopefully your partner will not judge, but just be there for you when you need him or her to just listen.  And if they do sometimes judge, they are aware of it, and of what they are doing, and they let it go and focus on all the good things they love about you.

So there you have it.  An outline to honor your intimate relationship. Tweak it to your liking, add your needs, values and whatever it is that is most important to you, begin incorporating it into your relationship.  Remember this close relationship is a precious gift to both people involved, and sometimes all the other clutter in our lives makes one overlook this amazing connection.  Don’t overlook it, it is too important to overlook if you really cherish it.
Lori Snyder is a practicing life coach and freelance writer.  Please direct all questions/comments to –lori@inspirationalwomenconnecting.com

Lori Snyder ©2011

Less than two years ago, I made a decision which was to change my life forever. I decided to pursue to my dream of helping disadvantaged children in Vietnam and sold my home, business and all my possessions to set up the Allambie Orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City.

It’s been the toughest challenge of my life and one which has filled me with both terror and excitement.

I landed in Vietnam in December 2010, having kissed goodbye to my charmed lifestyle.  I was a 41 year-old Western woman, alone in a hot country where I barely spoke the language, about to embark on a very ambitious mission. Was I mad? I don’t know but, for me, failure wasn’t an option.

The move was something of a homecoming.  It’s where I started out, having been found under a bush, just days old, at the height of the Vietnam War and taken to an orphanage. All I know about my biological parents is that my dad was a black American soldier and my mum a Vietnamese woman – who was probably raped.

At the age of three, I was adopted by a British couple, who were evangelical Christians, and that’s where my nightmare really began.  They may have ‘rescued’ me but they were cruel and controlling, repeatedly calling me the ‘Devil’s child’. I was desperately unhappy and left home when I turned 18, with rock-bottom self-esteem.

My story might be different from those of the six amazing children I’ve taken on – two boys, Chuyen, eight and Thiet, 19, and four girls, Mung 12, Truc, 17, Nhi, 17, and Sa 18 – but I know what it feels like and to have no sense of belonging.

I met most of the kids while volunteering at an orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City, in 2007.  I returned for holidays, kept regular contact and sent money. But over time, the orphanage became overcrowded, illness was rife, the kids were malnourished and neglected.

I really knew I had to do something when Sa begged me to stay because she had nothing to live for and no one to love her.  She now calls me ‘mum’ and is thriving.  The same is true of the other kids.

When they came to Allambie, which means place of rest,

they were skinny, lice-ridden, failing at school and terrified.  Chuyen wasn’t even toilet trained and, at one point, I had two of them sleeping in my room – it was the only way they felt safe.

They’ve been through hell, including sexual, mental and physical abuse in some cases.  It’s heart-breaking and I’ve cried with them many times as they try to make sense of their ordeals.

My kids will always carry their scars but since coming to Allambie, they’ve changed beyond belief.  They are healthy, happy and doing well at school. We are a truly bonded unit and, most importantly, we now laugh so much.

But there’s no doubt that, since moving to Vietnam, my life has been impossible at times.  I’ve taken on so much and have come close to breaking point. At its worst, I was receiving death threats from the bosses of the old orphanage who tried to snatch two children back.

Another blow came just before Christmas when I was seriously injured in a motorbike accident. I was totally incapacitated but the kids were wonderful and helped me through what has been an incredibly tough time.

Day-to-day, I’m mother, cleaner, mentor, teacher, charity chief, just about everything! It’s mainly just me, although I have had some fantastic volunteers who’ve made a huge difference to the children. We’ve recently found a new cook, which has given me more time to fundraise.

It costs £3,000 a month, including school fees, to run Allambie and we receive no help from the Vietnamese government.

One of my hardest battles has been facing the demons of my past and I’m currently agonising over doing a DNA test, which could potentially find my birth mother – through a scheme which thousands of Vietnamese mothers have joined, as they try to find children they lost in the war.

Since starting Allambie, I’ve lost two stone through stress and, until recently, was surviving on three hours sleep a night. So, do I ever wish I could slip back into my old lifestyle? Never.  For the first time in my life, I’m in the right place. Things are getting easier, my Vietnamese is getting better (slowly!) and the privilege of being here far outweighs my gripes.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself; I still can’t believe I’m really doing this.  There have been endless magical moments, like watching the kids blow out birthday candles for the very first time. And I’ll never forget last Valentine’s Day when Thiet gave me a rose and said, ‘Mum, I love you.  Thank you so much for looking after us.’

I’ve only been able to achieve this dream because of the incredible support I’ve received, not least from my ex-husband. Sadly our marriage fell apart as I pursued my dream but it’s a price I’ve had to pay.

As a proud mum to my daughter Natasha, as well as my new brood, I can’t help wondering whether my adoptive mother may be looking down and finally feeling some sort of pride herself. I hope so because this is what I was born to do and I’m determined to keep building on Allambie’s success.

For more information, visit allambie.co.uk.

To donate through Just Text Giving, text ALLA22 and the amount, eg. £10, to 70070.

You will only be charged your donation, not the cost of your text and 100 per cent will go to Allambie.

**PLEASE SHARE THIS**

Why not make a commitment to do one good deed per day everyday. Large or small, it doesn’t matter. Just one thing every day, that’s all.

The more you do good, the better you feel about yourself. Truly, to benefit others is to benefit yourself.

Here is what you can do and more:

** Smile at someone who needs a friend.

** Hold the door for people behind you.

** Write someone a friendly letter.

** Share part of your lunch with someone.

** Take your sibling’s kids out for the day.

** Make Tea for your kids.

** Buy coffee for the person behind you.

** Plant a tree.

** Donate blood.

** Make soup for someone recovering from surgery or an illness.

**LOG YOUR DEED HERE OR ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE.**

Let us start making a real difference in other people’s lives.

Thank you.

“Along my journey in life I have learned many valuable lessons that I want to pass onto others. I have a 15 year old daughter, Mackenzie whom I want to see thrive while being true to herself.  I simply knew there had to be a better way to learn then going through it all firsthand!  The original charm bracelet started as a gift for Mackenzie.  It provided a reminder that she has everything she needs inside her.  This gift encouraged her to look within and decide what was right for her, rather than looking outside for the answers. I noticed that the simple messages and symbols offered great support to Mackenzie.  They were personal, quite, and pretty.  Also it was not so obvious what it was all about.  Then our friends learned of the story and wanted one of their own. Womanly Journey was officially born.

Womanly Journey’s inspirational gifts offer another option to the overwhelming negativity we face daily.  These gifts are designed to surround you with positivity.  Even when you don’t wear the jewelry there are positive messages in the display book that is meant to be placed where you’ll see it regularly.  Feeding you positive messages all day long makes an impact on you and everyone you encounter!

Charms and messages were created to accompany each other.  Every charm is a symbol to remind one of a positive quality within.  There is a unique and positive message that corresponds to each charm.  Womanly Journey gifts have evolved into original charms and a beautiful gift.  The Womanly Journey bracelet begins with three core charms.  The central charm is the Butterfly woman.  She encourages you to believe in yourself.  The heart is the charm reminding you to love yourself.  The wings charm emphasizes the importance of breaking down the walls you put around yourself.  The beginning bracelet is meant to strengthen your desire to expand of your world, thoughts, friends, and to go for your dreams.

One tiny pebble thrown into water creates ripples far beyond the point of contact.  Together we can throw pebbles of positivity into negative waters and make an impact that reaches further than you can imagine!  My positive pebble is Womanly Journey.

I don’t claim to be able to give you self esteem.  That is something that comes from within.  What I can do is offer quiet & constant reminders to tell you how important and special you are!  Womanly Journey brings simplicity to loving you!  There is a story behind every charm and bracelet.  Surround yourself with them, open your heart, and watch the magic happen!”

Visit Womanly Journey today to see all the inspirational gifts offered.

Live a charmed life!

September 2009 I learned I had an aggressive breast cancer. Two months later, my mother got her breast cancer diagnosis, and three months after that, an attending physician in the ER broke the news that my father’s prostate cancer had spread to his lungs.  He passed away a few days ago after a long, tough battle.

Who would think death and “bliss” could be related?

I don’t think they are, at least not today while the grief is new.  But I can say that as we spent our last days together, holding tight to what’s good in the present moment, and recapturing “the best of the best” from the past felt very nice.  And I let go of my anger at cancer, fate, or whatever has made these things happen.
My entire family is together. With the person who probably made my father happiest being the one who slid into town two days before he finally let himself close his eyes and go—my daughter—his only grandchild. Marina lived with my parents for a year, and her name is on his customized license plate.

I blocked out death while I massaged his temples, his face, neck, and my brother and husband talked football scores at his bedside while my mom and sister pecked his cheeks. I tuned into his warm skin, his muscles loosening, and the energy passing between us. Even though he couldn’t form words, he held onto my hand when he got his “cuddle fix” from me, something I shied away from once I “grew up”, though he kept wanting it.

He raised his eyebrows while my daughter replayed their adventures the rest of us heard for the first time. Like when they hightailed to the corner waving frantically at the ice cream truck. Then when Mr Good Humor pulled away, got in my Dad’s Pontiac and chased him down a block away.

I read a lot to him this past week. Snippets of “Daniel In Love”, a compilation of love letters to his sister from her husband of 50 some years, sent from Europe during the War. And I read from my memoir. The one I dedicated to him.
I was hoping it would publish in time for him to turn the pages himself. It didn’t happen, but as I read to him in his sunroom, we had a soothing connection. I got the tightest finger squeeze and soft sounds as we went over chapters from my childhood. Family trips to his hometown by the beach, Aunt Mimi’s fried chicken and chocolate chip cookies. Carnival rides and burying Dad in the sand from his crooked toes to his skinny, sun-ripened neck. The first kitten he snuck into our home and the feline jungle that our house evolved into as Penny popped out litter after litter. Birthday parties where we’d invite Rusty, the tabby who sired all her babies, in for the good stuff—Purina from a can.
I kept thinking, don’t let my dad die on Thanksgiving. By the day before Thanksgiving he hadn’t had a bite to eat in a week and a half; only the water we swabbed inside his cheek with a tiny sponge. Still he wouldn’t close his eyes for days, even for a few seconds. He fought to be with us that Thursday, on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. So what I will remember every year when he is not with us drizzling gravy on his turkey, is not losing my father. I will remember that he fought like I’ve never seen anyone fight in my life. He did it to stay with his family. To know this, and the experience of our last weeks together, are bliss.

What I can share about holding onto bliss, even when it doesn’t feel natural:
1.  Surround yourself with the people and things that warm you.

2. Hold onto what is good in the present moment

3. Savor what has brought you happiness and peace from the past.

4. Find comfort from human and physical touch, voices, faces.

5. Sometimes you just aren’t going to feel blissful; don’t fight that feeling but only give it so much of your time. Give the rest to what makes you happy. And remember: the only way you can know what you are feeling is not bliss, is to have known bliss.

Rachel Pappas is a mom, wife, daughter, cancer survivor, and writer. She has a website www.1UpOnCancer -where you will only find the positive. Rachel also wrote a book, Hopping Roller Coasters about her daughter and her relationship with her daughter, a story that’s not exactly ordinary though it has a universal message for any one who has loved and or needed forgiveness.

Zero new infections, Zero discrimination, Zero AIDS-related deaths….phew, what a mouthful! With 34 million diagnosed people known to be living with hiv, one would assume that the battle of discrimination would have been won. That’s what I am leaning on this very World Aids Day. Removal of discrimination might be the answer to the uncontrollable spread of hiv, maybe I pronounce!

Having been working within the field of hiv & aids, notice my small abbreviation of the two words that seem to choke most ‘presumed’ negative persons’ (if never tested before of course), I do so for I believe that writing it in small reminds me that; we as humans, are built to be bigger than this epidemic, than we give ourselves credit! Anyway, as I was saying, having worked within this sector of health, I’ve come to respect both views of those negative of hiv and those positive, as in terms of stigma, though not necessarily in respect of discriminating.

In terms of stigma, I totally believe this lays predominately with those living with the virus to use every given opportunity to come out and display their strength in living with a virus that has captured every eye & ear of every possible mentally capable person. Yes, it’s a struggle and a difficult thing to do, but it would make most people shut their mouths or stop pulling their noses at those living with hiv. Nothing is achieved from hiding behind the curtains. Again, yes, there are many reasons that can come off the head in terms of ‘not-to-come-out-behind-the-curtains, but all that can be easily forgotten once ‘coming out behind curtains’ floods people in the face, stigma would be an issue of the past. In relation to those negative persons’ wasting their time by building their energy on stigmatising those living with hiv or aids, wait till a positive diagnosis hits them. There’s a common saying, never laugh at another for you don’t know what tomorrow holds.’ I’ve no idea where it originated from, I believe the bible, but whoever came up with that statement…is brilliant in my eyes. We surely don’t know what tomorrow brings, so stigmatising another human being, whether, whatever they have they acquired knowingly or not, it doesn’t diminish that negative person chances of one day acquiring the same. Less stigma, and more strengthening to empower one another.

When I applaud discrimination as a possible cause of eliminating the uncontrollable spread of hiv, I reason it by this; most people discriminate that which they don’t fully understand or comprehend, in my belief. Now, to understand means you’ve to get knowledge and do away with ignorance once knowledge is begotten, and to comprehend meaning you acknowledge it’s there and not play a blind eye to it. You comprehend that hiv or aids is in existence, apply your knowledge of it and do the best to afford any negative aspect of it such as stigma, prejudice and discrimination, but apply positiveness by getting tested yourself and knowing your own status and helping those who have got a positive diagnosis. This help can just be as simply as walking in compassion, nothing physical. Why discriminate that person just because your own status is negative?

These two, hiv & aids, are not what meets the eyes. Recent studies have proven that hiv & aids have evolved as technology and understanding of medicine has progressed. People living with hiv (plwh) can live very normal lives without any physical appearance of one being ill. What was known before has become the known-past. Women can give birth without affecting the child with hiv. My ears recently caught some information which suggested that people who are hiv positive and deemed ‘undetectable’ and on meds are unlikely to infect anyone with hiv. Please take this with a pinch of salt as I would like to see that in BOLD writing on the guardian before I applaud, but alot of positive changes have happened.

Moral of this strategic info above, women we’ve stood and fought for so many rights, lets do the same and be the ones to stand up on fighting discrimination amongst our peers living with hiv. We can put a stop to gossiping, especially when it’s one other positive lady gossiping about another positive lady without discussing their own status. How can we? Let there be a change within our selves. I, for one, am ready to do my part. Hear my story next time…you’ll piece all I am saying together, perfectly.

Menaye Donkor’s Letter of Inspiration to YOU…..

I would like to start of by saying today is World AIDS Day. I hope you are remembering those who have HIV/AIDS and those who have died from the disease.

“HIV does not make people dangerous to know, so you can shake their hands and give them a hug: Heaven knows they need it.”
Princess Diana

The one person who inspires me the most is my mother. It almost seems like a cliché but most women that I know often look up to other women, and not men, for their inspiration. I believe that we women are incredibly strong, determined and focused when we put our minds to something. We are extremely powerful, but often we are not aware of the power we hold. I believe that one strong woman can often instil this strength and belief in another woman. Using my mum as an example, she would go out there and make it happen if she wanted something done and she has given me the belief that I can do that too. Even at the age of 65 years she still runs the show as a business woman, a mother and a wife!

After I won the Miss Universe Ghana pageant in 2004, I decided to use my title for a good cause. My parents had always instilled in me the importance of charity and giving back to our community, so I wanted to use my profile as a platform to help support those in our community who needed it the most. So at the age of 23, I set up the Menaye Charity Organisation to help children in the deprived rural areas in Ghana and to support the orphanages looking after children infected or affected by HIV and AIDS.

This process involved raising monies, awareness and also educating the locals, especially women, in rural areas. It required a lot of hard work and determination but nothing was going to stop me. I met lots of wonderful people along the way including powerful businessmen and members in the government. Some were incredibly helpful and supportive, but others were resistant and just didn’t share my dreams and vision. I was a joke to many and sometimes told to give up to focus on being a model. After all, what would I know about running a charity? Not only was I young, I was also a woman, and this made the situation even more challenging. I had to work 100 times harder to prove myself. Even trying to get endorsement letters signed was like pulling teeth at times.

I didn’t give up though, and never listened to the doubters. The important thing was that my family were supportive, and of course my mum was there all the time helping me to stay focused. She believed in me 100% which helped me to believe in me too.

My charity now supports hundreds of children in Ghana, providing stable education for those who would otherwise not have had access to proper schooling. My mum helps to oversee the school I run, the Menaye International School, when I am not in Ghana and she does it with so much pride and joy. When I go and visit the school I know that my hard work and determination was completely worth it, and that anyone who ever doubted me was so wrong.

I’m not saying that every woman should want to become President, or take over the world. My message is that, if you want to achieve something, whatever that may be, then don’t let anything or anyone stop you. Yes, there may be doubters deterring you from your dreams but don’t let them dictate what you can and cannot do. Don’t let other people’s negativity affect your positivity and always remember that if something is too easy to attain or accomplish then it isn’t worth having in the first place!

And if you have a woman in your life like my Mum, remember to cherish that special person every day. Listen to her advice and wisdom, accept constructive criticism when she offers it, trust her wholeheartedly and respect her. She is on your side and has your best interests always at heart!

Love Always

Menaye xxx

Find out more about her here.

“I have spent the past seven years working with thousands of youth, parents, and educators in 43 states. With a goal to inspire young people to not give up on life, their dreams, and understand the value of a higher education. In all my travels, I have never met anyone like Dr. Shellie Hipsky. The passion she has for children and to create positive change is contagious. She is a great asset to humanity.”
- Roy Juarez Jr., President/ Founder, Homeless by Choice Tour

Maybe you were there as Dr. Shellie Hipsky belted out a song to the governor at one of her many red carpet events that she organizes (which have thus far raised over $35,000 for the Homeless Children’s Education Fund).  Perhaps you have read one of her over 100 articles or five books including the internationally acclaimed Ordinary People Extraordinary Planet. Perchance you were moved to volunteer action by her talks at places such as the University of Oxford in England or at Pepperdine University in front of 1,450 students.  Either way, it is a sure bet that if you have met Dr. Shellie Hipsky you have been inspired… and most likely you were welcomed with a huge hug!  A full time Associate Professor at Robert Morris University, author, professional speaker, and mother of two young children; Shellie has fully dedicated herself to educating, entertaining, and inspiring internationally.

“Dr. Shellie Hipsky is an incredible human being! She is a versatile, highly competent, and unabashed dynamic leader.  Shellie leads by rolling up her sleeves and accomplishes what appears to others at first to be impossible. Her ‘can do’ attitude inspires others to take on and conquer extraordinary challenges.”

– Dr. Joe Lagana, Founder of the Homeless Children’s Education Fund

Dr. Shellie Hipsky’s passion for teaching and volunteering started when she was twelve years old volunteering with children with mental challenges. After she taught a young girl who was close to her age how to say her first word, she became hooked on educating.  She has taught from the kindergarten to doctoral level, in the United States and abroad, and the products of her research have been utilized in scholarly settings such as Harvard University in an ethnographic research course.

The Homeless Children’s Education Fund (HCEF) homelessfund.org honored her for her volunteer work her fabulous events have raised money and awareness for this significant cause.  Since her mother, Libby Jacobs, ran the local community theater when she was young, she began slipping into characters on stage at the age of four.  For the amazing charity HCEF, she has headlined performances such as A Taste of Broadway, Cocktails for a Cause, and last month’s An Extraordinary Evening; All the

Shellie Hipsky Taste of Broadway Promotional Pictures by Mara Rago.

while, Shellie plans everything from the side items to be served to the overall vision for each show.  Fortunately, she also has multiple talented friends who help behind the scenes and on the stage. During these gala events, Shellie performs cabaret-style musical theater and glamorous dance numbers.  While delighting the audience, she is also supporting homeless children since 100% of the net profits go directly back to HCEF, which provides tutors, computers, and books in Learning Centers in 12 homeless shelters.

She helped host many events for the United States’ first ever Homeless Children’s Awareness Week in her hometown of Pittsburgh, PA, including: storytelling at “An Education: True Stories of Unusual Lessons Learned,” being in a live art installation to demonstrate the amount of children with needs called “Stand Up for the Homeless Children”, and An Extraordinary Evening’s red carpet event which raised $15,000 for the homeless children in shelters.

Also, she joined up with New York City based Real Beauty Real Women rbrw.org and the Not in My Backyard (NIMBY) team including spokesperson actor Luis Guzman to help spread the word about homelessness through Jacqueline Aluotto’s awardwinning docudrama. Shellie was moved to when she read for the taping of the televised NIMBY public service announcement, “1.6 million children in America are without a home.”

“There is a flame in Dr. Shellie Hipsky’s soul that will never burn out because she continuously passes on her inspirational gifts to many people.   It was her drive for success and guidance that led me to believe that I too could make a difference in young students and their future.  Shellie helped make my dream of becoming an author come true as she guided me through writing our co-authored book, Mentoring Magic: Pick the Card for Your Success.”

• Dr. Claudia A. Bavaro, Author and Mentoring Leader for a Fortune Global 500 company

After mentoring her former doctoral student on the process of writing a book, they went on Ray Leonard’s radio show during the book tour for Mentoring Magic: Pick the Card for Your Success. Between tapings, the host Ray introduced Dr. Shellie Hipsky to Clarel Radicella, his radio guest. When she spoke to Clarel over the phone, she was moved to tears by her personal story of a single mother with a brain aneurysm and cancer. Tears flooded down Shellie’s face and that is when she felt the calling to tell other people’s inspirational stories such as her new friend Clarel’s journey.  Before the book hit the shelves, the letters Clarel wrote for her children in the book were read at her funeral. Her legacy lives on through her children and through book Ordinary People Extraordinary Planet.

Based on interviews collected from Ray Leonard’s radio show, at kmr-media.com that are listened to in 75 countries, Dr. Shellie Hipsky’s book Ordinary People Extraordinary Planet includes incredible stories of a dozen people’s triumphs over adversity. Mary K. Hoodhood in the book, provides dinners for over 3,800 hungry children in Michigan daily; a quadriplegic, she coordinates it all from her wheelchair. Arturo Sandoval, the Grammy/Emmy Award-winning trumpet player, escaped persecution in Communist Cuba to live his dream. By sharing the adventures from a teenager from New Jersey named Shannon McNamara who has built four libraries in Tanzania to a mechanic’s bold expedition in the North Pole, your eyes will be opened by reading the pages of this heartwarming and uplifting book. As Dr. Shellie Hipsky and KMR-Media Publications reach sales benchmarks for Ordinary People Extraordinary Planet, they will give back 25% of the profits to the featured charities that help millions of people globally.

One of Dr. Shellie Hipsky’s ultimate dreams is to host an inspirational talk show on television so that an even bigger audience can see be inspired by her new incredible friends and their life journeys. She feels incredibly blessed to have created a life that has helped so many children and students based on her unique skills sets.  She urges her readers and those who read this article in Inspirational Woman Magazine to, “Look into your heart, realize what you are passionate about, and find a way to give back of yourself.  If we all embraced what we were good and used those talents to help others… what an amazing world we will create, together!”